Saturday, July 21, 2012

Fear and Self Doubt.

The triathlon draws near!

Four weeks from tomorrow is my second triathlon. To the experienced triathletes out there, it is not a big deal. 400m swim, 23K bike ride, 5K run. The last two parts are no big deal to me. I think I could ride my bike for days as long as I have enough calories, I can complete a 5K easily, I've even done a half marathon (on trails no less). There is, however, still that swimming thing.

I've been trying to improve my swimming, but at my last swim session I timed myself swimming 400 yards, and it took longer than my 400 meter swim did last year. Worse than an undesirable time, though, is how hard it felt to swim that far. I am not a good swimmer, I had no expectation of going into the event as a competitive swimmer. I was hoping, however, that it wouldn't be so darn hard just to complete it.

So the confidence took a hit, in fact, during the swim, I was sorely tempted to stop. I found myself thinking, "This is too hard, I have no business doing triathlons, maybe I should look for bike/run duathlons instead."

Instead, I looked to one of my inspirational role models.
I finished the swim, and attempted to swallow the feelings of disappointment and discouragement. (I'm still working on it.)

The intimidated part of my mind starts this rant of, "I should have started training earlier, I should have been training harder, I should be biking more, I should be swimming more, I need a swim coach, I'm in over my head. . ."

For me, this whole triathlon thing is hard. Sometimes it feels too hard.

Then I remember that the reason I am doing it is because it is hard.

Sitting on the couch is easy, playing video games is easy, fast food is easy, forgetting about my passions and finding a 9-5 job would be easy.

I'm not a big fan of easy.

As tempting as easy is, as many times I have wished that I could settle for easy, I just can't. I set high standards for myself and strive to meet them, and I have no intention of changing that.

So yeah, this event is intimidating, yeah it is going to be hard. Swimming 400 meters is big challenge for me. Following that up by biking up that hill as part of the 23K bike ride and biking as fast as I can for the rest of the course, then running a 5K RACE with whatever I've got left and I have something that seems to LOOM over me.

Yeah, it's hard.

That's why I am doing it.